North in Alaska -29, The Great Debate

  North in Alaska – 29, The Great Debate

Big Bear stopped by as he usually did on Monday morning. While we were eating a fresh batch of biscuits left over from St. Patrick’s Day which consisted of shreds of cabbage stuffed with lime jell (Bev called these Irish Cream Puffs) and drinking green herbal tea, I thought it would be the appropriate time to ask him how the tribal debate went and what it was all about. Bev does not care much for what she considers amateur politics having lived in Chicago for thirty years were politics are pure and unencumbered with trivia such as the presidency. Chicago mayors are much more important she says. She there by excused herself and went to dig a whole for the septic tank that was due to arrive anytime.

"We hold the debates every four years," Big Bear said, "to see who we will support for president after the Republican primary. It can be a very lively affair and this year it was no exception."

"What was the outcome? Who will the tribe support this year," I quarried.

"Well as usual," he responded, "We came to no solid conclusion and our endorsement has to wait till we talk to the candidates personally."

He said this in such a matter of fact way between bites and sips of puffs and tea that I found so amusing that a chuckle could not help escaping my lips. Like the four candidates of the republican party and the president himself would take their time and money to come to our little area of the world.

"No, seriously, he said, "In each presidential campaign all candidates are grilled by a select committee of tribal elders. This year will be a little different however because this is the first time we will hold the debate via internet using skype. In fact it will be held tonight if you wish to come. You can’t ask any questions of course but you are more than welcome to attend." This I could not pass up.

The meeting was held at the Octagon that night. There were about 50 people in attendance not counting the four elders who would do the questioning. The master of ceremonies, who wouldn’t you know it just happened to be Big Bear, addressed the audience and informed them of the rules that were to be followed. Each candidate would only be asked one question because of time constraints. Each candidate would be asked a different question and after the debate no candidate would be given an opportunity to respond because it had been discovered it just caused confusion.

I was not sure how all 50 people and five candidates would be able to see via computer screen nor how the skype camera would be able to see all the questionnaires. In fact I realized that this was not going to be a debate in the conventional since if only one question of each was to be asked and no rebuttal was allowed.

However the audience sat as close to each other as they could behind the one computer and the four elders chosen to ask the questions lined up single file behind the skype camera. In no time at all the four republican contenders were on the screen with President Obama inserted in a little square sitting in the Oval Office at the top left of the screen.

Questionnaire #1 - Governor Romney, would you support improving the Iditarod trail if you were President?

Governor Romney: The Iditarod is an important event in Alaska. I have always followed the race very close, in fact I know several of the sponsors of the race. They are personal friends of mine. I even owned a sled and had a dog when I was younger. Yes I would make sure that the road was improved by asking all my friends to buy bill boards along the way advertising their company and use those proceeds to develop the trail given the local needs as determined by a committee made up of people and corporations whose land the trail run through.

Questionnaire #2 – Senator Santorum, how would you insure that each student in our tribe gets a good education.

Senator Santorum: That is a great question. I would ensure that each student be encouraged at home to get the best possible education he could. I would ask each member his family and tribe to pray for him or her thereby ensuring academic success. I would make sure that each student had a computer and engage in home schooling and not depend on the public education system that has failed them in the past.

Questionnaire #3 – Speaker Gingrich, mining is a big part of Alaskan life, what would you do to help the mining industry?

Speaker Gingrich: I am the only one who could possibly debate this issue with Obama successfully. The best way to increase the profits of the mining industry thus ensuring more jobs for this part of the world has to be bold and imaginative. I propose that Alaska, especially this part, be the main area that minerals are stored and distributed from the moon colony I suspect we will have in the next ten years. We would not have to strip away the beautiful land we have here only build a large facility and landing area for ships returning from the moon full of ore and precious minerals.

Questionnaire #4 – Representative Paul, what would you do to increase the availability of medical facilities for this part of Alaska?

Representative Paul: First I would get rid of the Federal Reserve system than make sure that no military personal would be sent overseas. Then I would get the government out of the health field and let each person be in charge of their own health care.

There only remained the President and I wondered who would ask the final question since only four questionnaires were so designated. This question was soon settled when I saw Big Bear take his position in front of the computer. I thought to myself what a wonderful opportunity this was for a common citizen to be able to ask the President of the United States a question directly. What would he ask?

Big Bear: Mr. President, In your opinion who will win the NCAA tournament this year? (there was s stir in the audience)

The President: Well you know it is sort of hard to tell this year. All the teams have a shot and yes I have my own opinion but am really hesitant to say because I don’t want to influence the out come of the contest. I will say this though. I think it is a shame that we don’t have more NBA players recruited from our Alaskan colleges and that more athletes are not recruited from the lower 48 to play on your fine university teams. Of course you have your own NBA up here, the Native Basket Ball Association, but still I would like to see more kids from places like Illinois and Arizona come up here to get a fine education and see what diversity really is. During my next term I will direct the Department of Education to do what it can to rectify that problem. And who knows in a couple of years Alaska will have its own NCAA tournament birth and I will do what I can to make Anchorage the Final Four destination. And who knows after that perhaps you will receive your own National Basket Ball franchise.

The attendees cheered and clapped.

Big Bear: Thank you all for taking the time out of your busy schedule to answer these important questions.

With that the computer was turned off.

"It is time to vote." Big Bear said.

Each name was mentioned, hands were raised and counts were made. As I suspected the audience was pretty evenly split among the five with the President receiving two more votes than the others. I guess it was the power of the incumbency.