Gold - Alaska

Note to reader:  This is part of an email I sent to many friends when I decided to return from Alaska.

May 2006

     Gold is where you find it and does always hold its glitter after it is panned.

     Four years ago I came up here because I read a book.  Now it is time to leave for the second time.  I almost left last year but it would have not been under the right circumstances and the money was a very big draw.  But that is over and now it really is time to come home, and if not directly to where you are, at  least a lot closer to those who love me, warts and all.

     I think back on my tenure here in Alaska, in Hooper Bay, next to the Bering Sea, Pitka’s Point along the  banks of the Yukon, and Noatak, 70 miles north of the Arctic Circle and wonder if this life adventure was worth the journey.   The answer may shock you.

  

      I have hunted whale and seal, eaten at the table with the Eskimo, been places, seen things that perhaps not many white people have.  I was not a great explorer or anything, far from it.  But building and igloo, ice jumping, walking on the Yukon, snow machine journeys, and just picking berries on the tundra are things that many that read this have not.

  

     I have met people who have seen ghosts, animals turned  into humans, humans into animals, little people, Big Foot, and one or two I am sure are in the witness protection program.

     I have sat by the side of a grieving father after his daughter died in a foolish accident, went to her wake and prayed over the body that was laid to rest on the front room floor in a home made coffin.  I helped build a casket and dig a grave in the frozen ground for a lady elder.  I went with the men of the village to search for a young man that became lost in an Arctic blizzard and discovered that he had survived the night in a self made snow cave.

      I will always remember the shock of walking down the  streets  of  more than one village and seeing half eaten walrus heads used for dog food, moose skulls strewn about, and snow higher than the roof tops.  Very few people I know have ever tracked a polar bear, albeit reluctantly, eaten seal jerky (more reluctantly,) beluga whale, swan (yes swan,) or musk ox.

   Last winter I was fascinated to watch automobiles and trucks drive up and down the Yukon only to be followed by a musher pushing his dogs to some unknown village up river.  When the ice broke and the huge chunks started moving down the river, the view was about as powerful a sight I had have ever witnessed.

   I have said many times never be one who wants and never does because you are afraid the pay the price.  Such quips are true for some but when it comes down to it not for most.

   My dad died soon after I got up here and it was to far to return for the funeral.  My children were confronted with some very life altering situations while I have been  here and all though they are adults and managed, they had no  Dad to turn to, if not for sound advice, at least some parental guidance .  I have a grandson that suffered from Kawasaki Disease  and I have never seen him. My other grand children  hardly  know who I am.   I spent almost a year away from a wife and was not there to help her when she needed me the most and it cost us both dearly.

   So was it worth it?   No.  I don’t regret coming though, I have seldom really regretted anything I have ever done, because I am the some total of my experiences and I pretty much like myself.  However regretting something is not the same as feeling the pain of the casualties you’ve left in your search for that elusive quality that some of us always seem to be searching for.

 

   Would I recommend to anyone that they should try Alaska bush teaching?  One couple from Independence did, specifically because of my column two years ago.  I understand they are doing fine but have not talked to them in depth.  I don’t know what I would recommend to anyone who would seek my advice about teaching in Alaska, but I do know that we would talk for a very long time.

    Now don’t think that I feel the last four years have been a waste.  There are memories that will last a life time and I will be able to be the life of any party, spinning my yarns,  and with each successive year they will grown in daring and  aw.  But having  an adventure can be just as far as the local laundry matt if you want it to be. 

    One excellent thing has happened beyond a doubt and that is that I would not have come in contact  with many old friends if I had not taken this road less traveled.  Especially those who live in and around Independence.

      Now and then I suspect that selective memory will kick in and for a few moments all will seem to be worth the while.  I do not know how to end this  muse, my last one from this area of the Arctic, so let me call upon Robert W. Service to leave you with a thought:

 There’s gold and it’s haunting and haunting,

It is luring me on as of old;

Yet isn’t the gold that I’m wanting , so much as finding the gold.

It’s the great broad land way up yonder,

It’s the forest where silence has lease.

It’s the beauty that fills me wonder,

It’s the stillness that fills me with peace.